Sunday, December 5, 2010

Post-Surrogacy Blues

Kelly posted about post-surrogacy blues and it made me think about what we could do to avoid feeling "lost" or empty after the birth of our surro-babies. It's true that a lot of thought and energy is devoted to a surrogate pregnancy and it begins months or more before conception.... application process, screenings, matching, contracts, medications and injections....

After the birth.... then what? The ride is over.

I think we should plan to have a new project to delve into. A project, and maybe a bucket list. Think of all the things you could not do because of the pregnancy and write them down. A To-Do List of FUN!

My list would look something like this:
1. Take my daughter on some roller-coasters
2. Treat myself to a long trail ride (horseback)
3. Go wine-tasting in Temecula
4. Host a Margerita Madness party with every girl I know (not many...LOL)
5. Weekend with hubby in Las Vegas
6. Turn the soil and replant my garden

What will you do when the pregnancy ends?

*Intended Parents reading this can help by sharing pictures of your new family with your surrogate. She doesn't miss the babies, but she wants to see how happy you are together, and she doesn't want to be immediately forgotten. I hope to get weekly emails for the first couple of months, and then I imagine the communication will slow down, and then maybe I'll be included in the annual Christmas card list with a family photo enclosed.


  1. Both of my surrogate deliveries were followed by a pretty significant life change that I *really* do think helped me past the 'now what do I do?' stage. Surro #1 I ended up getting separated during the pregnancy and filed for divorce 5 days after giving birth and moving to another state shortly after that. Surro #2 I had just started a new relationship 3 weeks before my transfer and I was looking forward to nurturing that relationship withOUT being pregnant with someone else's child.

    I do think that if you have something to plan/do for the first bit after the birth it could help. I Love your list!!

  2. That list is a great idea. I think for me, I was so eager to get back on my feet and do all of those things I missed during those months of pregnancy with my family. I too went to Vegas with my husband shortly after the birth of the triplets and it helped me get back into wifey mode so much faster. I was just so thrilled to be able to be a mom again that I think staying busy with my boys helped me surpass all of the depression after. However, now that things have settled down and life is back to normal I am feeling like something is missing. I don't think these feelings ever end, but the way you handle them is the most important.

  3. I am in that "what now" phase at this moment, having delivered my fifth surrogate baby six days ago. I have a list of things to occupy me but since most of them are physical I have to wait until I heal a bit more before diving in. They include p90x and doing a triathalon. Until I can start physical activity again, I am occupying myself with working. I feel pretty emtional alot of the time but I know that only time and finding a way to fill the void left by the end of the pregnancy will help that.


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